|coming and going..eventually returning
||[Nov. 19th, 2007|04:03 pm]
|||||Fort Collins, CO||]|
Returning back into the world has been an intense experience for me..what do you know. Coming down from the mountains of Colorado into the smog covered city of Denver, driving amidst tons of fast driving cars scared the shit out of me. When i was out in the middle of the quiet desert i couldn't really imagine what the rest of the world looked like, what cities looked like..what everyone was DOING out there. I just kind of pretended that everywhere was as silent, lovely, and peaceful as my own surroundings. I have a really hard time seeing how destroyed this world has become all because of humans. How much lack of respect we have for other life forms. It makes me want to be proactive and help but at the same time i feel overwhelmed because it seems like no one wants to change and i don't know how to make people change..plus it seems like an impossible task. Oh it makes me so sad to see the state of the world. I try to pray everynight for the earth to heal..but we need to take action. It makes me angry because change could be so simple and easy and be so effective. we could start small. All it requires is attention, not being wasteful, and lots of support from one another. Something as simple as composting all our non eaten food instead of throwing it into the garbage..and thats fucking easy..but people dont want to DEAL with their food waste.. oh man. i don't really want to be writing about this. I just know that how i am living my life and will be living my life will give back to the world instead of taking from it. I am fully ready to dedicate myself to healing the world through my own life. not driving. riding bikes, growing ALL of my own food, canning, composting, not being wasteful, recycling water.
The world does make me sad..but its also beautiful and amazing. I have liked being around other humans..lots of them. I laugh at all of the kids..kids are funny. I got to climb a tree today for the 1st time in a long time. a co-op is 5 mins away instead of 3 hours. yes there are good things. but god damn that desert has my name and my soul written all over it. I miss it so much that i have a hard time really thinking about it. but i will never forget what i learned there. and one day i shall return.
i am excited to see olympia and people that are there and to be in the forest and to check on my dream catcher and to see all that water and feel all that rain. it will be crazy. so crazy. im thinking of getting a dog, a companion to enjoy the mountains and forest with me. the farm i will be working on is on the peninsula right near the hot springs. it will be so wonderful to just spend all my non work time in the olympic rainforest and in the hotsprings.
life is really crazy. i am learning a lot right now. i am sad but know that everything comes and goes. my thoughts create my emotions.
i am love.